A wake, visitation, or viewing is a pre-funeral gathering designed to give family and friends a chance to pay respects, offer condolences, and share memories in a slightly less formal atmosphere than the funeral itself. While the focus should always be on supporting the grieving family, your appearance should communicate respect and reverence.
The central question remains: what to wear to a wake? The general rule is to aim for business casual to semi-formal attire, striking a balance between formality and comfort, while always adhering to a modest, subdued color palette.
1. Wake vs. Funeral Dress Code: Understanding the Difference
The primary distinction between wake attire and funeral attire lies in the level of formality.
- Wake/Visitation: Typically occurs in the days leading up to the funeral. The atmosphere is generally quieter, focused on receiving guests and offering condolences. The dress code leans toward Smart Casual or Business Casual.
- Funeral/Service: The main religious or formal ceremony. Attire is generally expected to be strictly Formal or Semi-Formal (e.g., a full dark suit is the standard).
For a wake, while you should still dress conservatively, you can often leave the most formal tie or the stiffest suit coat at home, prioritizing comfort for what can sometimes be a long period of standing.
2. The Color Palette: Colors to Wear to a Wake
Muted, dark, and neutral colors are the safest choices for showing respect and avoiding distraction.
- The Safe Zone:
- Black: Always appropriate and the traditional color of mourning.
- Navy Blue: An excellent, universally accepted alternative to black.
- Charcoal or Dark Gray: Conveys solemnity without being heavy.
- Dark Brown or Deep Maroon: Acceptable, muted earth tones.
- Colors to Avoid: Just like a funeral, avoid anything that appears festive, flashy, or attention-seeking. This includes bright colors (red, yellow, orange), neon shades, and anything with large, bold graphics or logos.
3. Proper Wake Attire for Men and Women
Choosing garments that are clean, neat, and comfortable enough to wear for several hours is essential.
Attire for Women
- Acceptable Choices:
- Modest Dress: Knee-length or midi-length in a dark, solid color.
- Tailored Separates: Dark slacks or a conservative skirt paired with a plain, tasteful blouse or sweater.
- Pantsuits: A dark pantsuit is professional and highly respectful.
- What to Avoid: Low-cut necklines, revealing tops (bare shoulders should be covered by a shawl or blazer), very short skirts, and anything made of overly tight or flashy material.
- Footwear: Closed-toe flats, low heels, or elegant ankle boots. Comfort is key, as you may be standing for long periods.
Attire for Men
- Acceptable Choices:
- Suit (Optional but Preferred): A dark suit (black, navy, or gray) is the safest choice.
- Business Casual: Dark dress pants (slacks) paired with a collared dress shirt (white, light gray, or subdued blue).
- Layers: A dark blazer or sports coat worn over a collared shirt or sweater adds an appropriate layer of formality.
- Ties: A tie is optional for a wake but adds formality. Choose a solid dark color or a very subtle pattern.
- What to Avoid: Jeans (unless specifically requested), T-shirts, shorts, ball caps, and athletic shoes.
4. Etiquette Beyond the Clothing: Making a Respectful Presence
Dressing well is only part of the equation; your personal presentation should also reflect the somber nature of the event.
- Accessories: Keep it simple. Jewelry should be minimal and quiet (avoid large, jingling pieces). A simple watch and classic belt are appropriate.
- Hair and Grooming: Maintain a neat, well-groomed appearance. Hair should be tidy, and men’s facial hair should be trimmed.
- Fragrance: Avoid strong perfumes, colognes, or aftershaves. In a crowded, emotionally charged room, strong scents can be distracting or cause discomfort to others.
- Children’s Attire: Children should also be dressed neatly in clean, conservative clothes, ideally in dark or muted tones. Comfort is particularly important for young children.
Final Tip: When in Doubt, Ask the Family
If the deceased was known for a specific passion (e.g., a love for Hawaiian shirts or a favorite sports team), the family may request a specific, non-traditional dress code. Always follow the family’s wishes, as this is the ultimate sign of respect for the deceased’s life.
If no specific guidance is given and you are still wondering what to wear to a wake, remember this maxim: It is always better to be slightly overdressed than underdressed. Choose conservative attire in a dark, muted color, and your focus can remain where it should be—on offering comfort and support to those who are grieving.
